


Perfect To Me

by HouseGameOfPotter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), One Shot, Post TLJ, Showers, Talking, The Last Jedi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 21:39:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13303800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseGameOfPotter/pseuds/HouseGameOfPotter
Summary: “You’re more than a junker” He said as her sobs were muffled, the trickling shower drowning out her sound. “Those words I said, hurtful jabs to get you to see the truth. People let you down”“You let me down” She weeped.“I did” He agreed. “Power is not what you want”------Who knew all it took to bring Ben home was a conversation in their force bond at an inconvenient time? Rey didn't, yet it was what exactly happened.





	Perfect To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Not the greatest thing I've ever written but a whole lotta fun! 
> 
> Prompt from Tumblr to do my version of the shwoer force bond everyone and their dog's hamster seem to be writing. 
> 
> Shannon Xx

 

Rey had never experienced a shower like this before, or ever. Jakku had been limited on the washing front and as a result, Rey often found herself going weeks without washing. A planet that reached high heats and was grubby with scavengers and thieves, not the place that springs to mind when the word ‘sanitary’ was involved. 

And while the current shower was not by any means fit for a normal person living on the Current Resistance Base of Dantooine, Rey found the pressure almost exhilarating. 

The water wasn’t hot enough for a squeaky clean shower, but it was enough to clean the dirty and grim stuck to her skin that  had been building up since she left Ahch-to. Her dalliance on the supremacy with...  _him_ , had left her in a worse condition than her body had ever been.

Scars littered her arms, a new imprint was found every few minutes as she scrubbed the filth and dirt out of her pores. Her nails were grimey, grass and salt stuck in them, praying to be washed down the drain. So she closed her eyes as the warm spray smoothed across her skin and wrapped her in a blanket of comfort. 

 _Peace, at long last_ , she mused. 

Such a thing had been hard to come by since the entire resistance had crammed onto the Millenium Falcon. Leia, Finn, Poe and the rest had been crammed on the small corellian ship not leaving Rey time to process everything that had happened to her within the last few days. 

Ben Solo, he had happened, before cruelly disappearing again. Across this connection they’d had via the force over the last few days on Ahch to, Rey had really thought she’d got through to him. Especially when their hands connect. He must’ve felt the sudden lust she had when they’d done so. It mad his grab for power so much more hurtful to her, it killed her inside.

And Luke’s passing, Ben’s vulnerability when she last saw him in their bond before her riled up emotion closed it off. She hadn’t even known how to do that, she was just so... heartbroken by him.  _How could he go that way, after the experience they shared?_

Rey snapped herself out of these memories, the pain becoming overbearing as she is reminded of her wet surroundings once again. 

Rey could almost see her reflection in the tiles on the walls of the shower cubicle in her room, she’d cleaned them herself on arrival at the base. Most rooms had not been fit for a she felt embarrassment as she looked at herself. She was so skinny, underfed and out of proportion. She was strong in her build, but she no curves that she could see. 

_Wasn’t girls supposed to have curves?_

Rey didn’t even finish her thought process before she got angry at herself for even looking. So what if her breasts could be held in one hand? So what if her ribs could be counted and seen through her flesh? So what if her hips were about as curved as the blade of a darksaber? 

 _So everything_ , she thought bitterly. 

She was to be a jedi, beauty and unrealistic standards of perfection where not things that concerned the Jedi, and they never should. They were to be celibate and care about peace in the galaxy. 

Yet, Rey could not stop thinking of her appearance. Anything to stop her from thinki- she felt the thrumming in the back of her head for a split second before it was too late. She blinked, and he was there. 

Rey felt shame as her blue eyes linked with his dark brown ones, so dark they almost looked black. His hair was soaking wet, no longer in it’s curls but hanging lower and sticking to his face. 

His clothes were gone, he too was stood in shock taking in Rey’s appearance that reflected his own. This was when she saw his... The bond had opened when they were both showering. Rey felt her skin become a livewire, her face flush and a sudden rush for her hands to cover her modest areas and turn away. 

“Close this bond now!” She demanded. 

_How dare he open this connection when she was at her most vulnerable, or even at all, especially after what he did to me._

Rey turned her head to look a him, her body still pointing away, praying he wasn’t there. Seeing he was she turned her head away once more. This time however, she’d seen his... modest areas. He spoke to her, but she didn't hear him. She was too busy processing what she’d seen. 

Rey had never seen a real one before, only on holos some scavengers had passed around when on raiding trips together. It had never interested Rey, but one scavenger had always said that it was because Rey hadn’t got the right person to interest her in it.

“Rey” He spoke as if he could read and feel her every thought and idea. She was not interested in seeing him, in looking at him, but the bond heightened everything. “Rey, you know I can’t close it”

“ _Then try harder!_ ” She snapped. She felt more vulnerable than she’d ever been. She’d been hunted, had her mind invaded, had to claw and fight her way to survive, but in all of it, she’d never felt this open to destruction.

Kylo didn’t say anything, he just stood closer to her. She was nervous, her tiny frame against his large and heavy frame, there was nothing she could do if her tried to... Rey must’ve been radio-ing her thoughts allowed between their bond, because he took a small half-step back, as if shocked. 

“You really think I would do that?” He commanded the air, steam from his shower and the spray of Rey’s combined for an uneasy and sticky atmosphere that Rey was neither enjoying or finding comfort from. 

“You killed your own father, I don’t think it’s that far of a leap!” Rey regretted it the moment it came out of her mouth, and the appalled look on his face showed it had an affect on him he did not desire. 

Rey cowered closer to her own wall,  her left arm still strapped against her breasts and her right reaching down to cover her sex. 

Why had the bond formed? What purpose did the force want to achieve with this bond being created? Was it truly balance the force wanted? And what did all this mean for her and Kylo? She wanted Ben, she wanted him to come home, but Rey had given up trying. 

And right now, his scowl that he had for her showed nothing but Kylo - Ben was nowhere to be seen. “One day, I’ll explain to you why I killed my father. Until then, I’ll explain to you why I don’t rape girls”

Rey felt her skin flush once more, she had not meant to be so... so... angry towards him, but the timing of their connection and the intimacy it brought - not to mention the fact they were both showering - it all wrapped together to create and awkward encounter that she never would’ve wanted to experience. 

“I... I know you’re not, like that” She mumbled. Her vulnerability in just this one sentence showed and she felt more inclined to cover herself up. 

Not that he’d be interested in a small-breasted, malnutritioned, little girl from the outer rim. Once again Rey’s thoughts doubled back to the very things that she was covering.  G _irls are supposed to have curves._

She wasn’t as curvy as Rose, who’s breasts she’d accidently seen when she had been changing after her long sleep and recovery. She didn’t have a waist/hip ratio like Jessika did and she certainly hadn’t got it all like Lieutenant Connix. 

She was nothing, her body was nothing, and right now, feeling the burning gaze of the mass murder she’d grown to care for over their previous bond encounters, she never felt so scrutinised. Even if she was the only one saying these things about herself. Others were bond to be thinking them too. 

“Stop it” He demanded with such a throaty shout, Rey jumped in fear and began to slip in the cubicle. She felt her foot go first and had to make a decision on which arm to relieve of it’s covering duty to reach out and hold onto the wall for support.

 _Her left arm_ , she could save some sort of face after he’d seen her breasts more so than if he’d seen her flower. Her hand hit the tiles but there was nothing to hold onto. She prepared herself for the fall. 

Suddenly, hands were on her arms and holding her upright. Her breathing creeped up on her and she began to heavily pant as she realised who was holding her. Her eyes opened to find his staring back at her again, dark and intense but alluring all the same. She wanted to tell him thank you, but she would not give him the satisfaction. 

She was not covering herself at all now, but his hands on her arms were preventing her from doing so. Rey’s eyes could not help themselves. They travelled from Kylo’s own to his shoulders and chest.  _Force alive_ , she thought, probably loudly and clearly for him to hear. 

“Rey” The way he said her name, it was heartbreaking. For so long during their exchange in the throne room, for so long in the elevator did she wish for him to say her name like that, as if he was ben. Ben who was going to come home. It seemed like a cruel game now, a jab to try and get to her after she fell for the idea of Ben Solo being saved. 

Her thoughts were shattered and fragmented, a collection of broken and disjointed memories that she’d rather forget all merge into one messed up image. Her head was going to explode if she didn’t calm down. 

But everything was so raw in her mind, if she did not try to collect herself and organise it all right now, she was afraid of what her mind may decide to do instead. There was no precedent for her being emotionally and physically naked in front of her enemy.

How was she to organises her twisted and warped feelings on Ben Solo and his disappearance deeper into the dark. How was she to collect the feelings on her the very person seeing her naked? Just as she was degrading her own body and how it looked, all this happened in a blur she could not control. 

Maybe the Jedi were right... If she is to be celibate then it does not matter that her breasts were almost none-existent or that her bone stuck out from under her skin. 

“This is how you see yourself?” He asked quietly. 

“It’s none of your concern how I see myself” She claimed as she refused to look him in the eye. She peered over his shoulder, knowing he was looking at every inch of her, but knowing it was too late to cover herself from him. “Close this bond, Ben”

“I didn’t make it, I can’t control when it comes on” He dropped one hand from her arm, but the other began to caress the flesh near her should. Rey felt a ripple of cold run through her body from the very spot he touched her. “W-what are you doing?”

“You say they’re non existent, I say you’re not opening your eyes” He was almost seductive in his tone, yet Rey could feel his intention was to comfort.  _Why would he want to comfort her though he did not know._  As she thought this, his hand momentarily paused on her arm. It lifted off and Rey felt it under her chin. 

He brought her gaze up to meet his, burning intensity radiating through his and settling inside her own. The bond around them hummed in happiness as their skin touched, wet from the shower but electric from their interaction. “Ben - Stop this”

He did not take his eyes from hers, but his hand did let go of her chin. He stepped forward the tiniest of movements, but their bodies were inches from touching, Rey could feel the energy surrounding his touching her. 

“I asked you to rule with me” He reminded her, his hair curling from moisture. “And you wonder why I would want to offer comfort to you”

“You asked me by your side because you wanted more power and to tighten your grip on the galaxy” Rey retorted. 

“For companionship - someone who understands loneliness, Scavenger” He said almost cruelly, but more as a matter of fact. Rey did understand the loneliness inside him. She could feel the guilt and trepidation inside him over many things that has happened. 

 _Leia, for one_. Rey thought as her stream of consciousness went off on it’s own tangent once again. She thought she saw him flinch briefly, his mother’s mere mention causing inner conflict. 

“Ben, I can’t help you” She said sadly, her eyes naturally looked down but she was briskly reminded they were both nude and so she brought them up again, past his shoulders once more. 

“You’re the only one who can help me” As his words lingered on the air, Ben’s finger trailed up Rey’s thigh where his hand rested on her hips. Rey’s legs wobbled as his touch sent shockwaves across her skin. This wasn’t helping her twisted feelings for Ben Solo.  _Is this what he meant by help him?_

“Ben... Ben, I can’t do this... I’ve never...” She mumbled. Kylo wasn’t there anymore, she could see it in Ben’s face. He was soft and peaceful, the inner torment gone and only lust had replaced it with a sense of need.

“Neither have I...” As she looked at Kylo, her many attempts to bring Ben out in him have worked. He looks vulnerable and like he’s looking for something to cure his loneliness. “Rey, all these imperfections you see in yourself are nothing. You’re perfect to me”

“You told me I was nothing, you told me I didn’t have a place in the galaxy, that I was just a junker” Rey’s eyes couldn’t hold back the tears, her suffering and pain leaking out of her eyes in jabs at the root cause of it all. He doesn’t lash out as she expects, he just takes her in his arms and holds her body to his. 

“You’re more than a junker” He said as her sobs were muffled, the trickling shower drowning out her sound. “Those words I said, hurtful jabs to get you to see the truth. People let you down”

“You let me down” She weeped. 

“I did” He agreed. “Power is not what you want”

“No I did not” Her eyes were wet with tears. “I wanted you Ben, I wanted you to come home - I wanted to help you!”

“I... I can’t” He was being stubborn, his hand was gripping Rey’s waist tightly. His hand travelled across her stomach and upwards where he lightly cupped her breast. “I want to please you”

“Then come home” She was delicate where she spoke. “We both have no place in this world, my parents... my...they”

Rey struggled with the right words to speak. She was angry, all the time at the idea her parents sold her for drinking money, that they left their little girl with hopes of finding them again. Rey was fuming over it. 

“Say it” he urged, his voice almost menacing yet so enticing as his words sizzled in the air. 

“Drunk scavengers, what else would they be” She spoke truthful aloud about them for only the second time. She had known, she just wished it was wrong. Her tears were streaming fast now. Why was it she always cried in front of them?

Ben looked like he wanted to say a million things to her, to offer her the galaxy once again and promise to look after her like he had asked before. She almost thought he’d offer his hand, even if they were in such close quarters to each other already.

However he didn’t.

Instead, they didn’t say anything for ages. They both just sunk to the bottom of the shower cubicle and let the water wash across their bodies. Rey’s arms sneaked around his wet torso, his abs intense and flexed yet covered in scars. Ren’s arms brought her head against his chest, his hands rubbing her head as he kissed her forehead. 

They were embracing one another and Rey almost wanted to say she accepted him for who he was, her vulnerability getting the better of her.

She did not know how long they were there for, the water was long cold when they did stir. But she felt content, even if she was laying naked and wet with her enemy. With the enemy of the resistance. When Rey sat up, she turned her body away embarrassed that it was against his for so long. But Ben did not have any of it. He told her off again, saying she was perfect as she was. 

And so he showed her, over and over again on the shower cubicle floor how perfect she was. Their bodies combined as one, the force sange around them a joyous hum as for moment, balance was one again in play. 

They laid at the bottom of the cubicle, it was Ben’s shower now, the small one Rey had would not be long enough for his body to lay out inside. Rey was tucked into the nook of ben’s armpit as her right leg was slung across him and her breathing was raspy. 

“Are you alright?” He asked her, it had been both their first time. 

“I’m okay” She sighed. 

“How can I make you happy?” He kissed her head, held her close to him. Rey wondered if this was Ben’s first meaningful interaction with another human in years. All the lies and deception he would have dealt with between Snoke and Hux, genuine human comfort and intimacy would be hard to come by. 

“You know how you can make me happy” She stated, bringing their lustful high to an end. “You know what I want from you”

“You did like it when I put my tongue-”

“Ben!” Rey felt embarrassed, even if there was no one else around. She swore she heard him chuckle, wondering hen he last did that. It was an evening of firsts all around. Her face buried deeper into his chest. 

“It’s going to take a lot to get used to that name again” His chest stuttered as his breaths were raspy. Rey froze. She didn’t think she’d heard him right, but when he held onto her tighter and leant his forehead against her own, she knew she’d heard him correctly. "I might have to get you to say it a lot more after what just transpired"

"Gladly"

 


End file.
